Have a little Faith In Me
by We will never forget
Summary: Season Two. What if Meredith and Derek's walks were not just friendly walks? merder and addek.


Summery: What if Derek and Meredith's walks were not just friendly walks what if there were more? MerDer and addek. I do not own ANYTHING

Leaves crunched beneath Meredith's feet as she walked in the woods with Derek

Leaves crunched beneath Meredith's feet as she walked in the woods with Derek. Dr. Shepherd… no, Derek. During these walks where they were building up what could have been a friendship had they not been involved in a relationship, he was Derek to her. A little voice in her head wondered if he ever was anything less than Derek… but those weren't the sort of thoughts she usually allowed herself to have.

Meredith was all glued back together now. Or she liked to think she was. If she wasn't, then she was definitely getting there. That hole that had been present in her heart ever since _Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd_ walked into her life… it wasn't closing. But tiny sutures that had started out large and jagged in a haphazard job of holding her heart together were gradually shrinking and becoming smaller and tighter. She was able to take the time to heal the damage that had been done to her heart, to her soul.

She snapped out of it and a few strands of dirty-blonde hair fell in front of her face. She felt something a little wet and cold nudging her hand, and when she looked down, Doc was staring back up at her with pitiful eyes, begging for her to take the stick from his mouth and throw it, to give him something to do. An easy smile spread across Meredith's lips and she bent down a little to gently tug the stick from Doc's mouth. It was then that she became aware of the two little holes that were being bored into her back by what she knew were two of the truest, bluest eyes she would ever look into.

Ignoring Derek's intense look, she straightened up and arched back, stopping in her tracks for a moment before lifting her arm and throwing the stick for Doc as far as she could. It flew through the air and Doc bounded after it, barking happily, and Meredith once again resumed her easy walking, and she shoved her hands in her pockets as she did so. She looked straight ahead, listening to the crunch of the leaves and sticks beneath her feet as she walked. He was still looking at her, she could feel it, and she was doing her best not to look. Why should she look? Why should she look at him, let him know that she could sense the intense stares that he always sent her way? Only people who were together, people who loved each other were that way.

And they… they were not together, and they were not in love with each other. Or… if she was, she was getting over him. And he'd chosen Addison. She had actually begged for him, something that Meredith Grey never did. She had begged for the love of her life, the amazing man that she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with, to pick her, choose her, and love her. She had sunken below every level that her mother had ever taught her to rise above, and he had left her alone. He didn't love her. He couldn't love her. In truth, the thought that he didn't love her was comforting to her now. Because she could move on and not linger on what ifs.

There was another cold nudging at her hand and she bent down to see Doc there with the stick once again. She automatically bent again to get the stick when a warm, solid hand that was larger than hers enclosed around hers. Meredith fought back an involuntary shiver while she raised her body with Derek's before finally turning her green eyes to his, blinking uncertainly in what she hoped was an innocent manner.

Sure enough, Derek's gaze was intense as he looked at her, but it was different than the look she'd envisioned, probably because of the confusion and thoughtfulness that was also etched into his features along with the look that he always gave her.

"What?" she managed to get out, cursing the way her voice had a strange tilt to it, one that wasn't like her.

"Why won't you look at me?" Derek's brow furrowed ever so slightly. "I know that I haven't been getting as much sleep as I usually do, but it can't make me look that bad," he remarked, the corner of his perfect mouth twitching slightly before curving up into a crooked half-smile.

"I'm looking at you," Meredith responded in a tone that was a little bit _too_ defensive.

A short, barking laugh sounded from Derek's lips and he rolled his blue eyes, shaking his head a little as he fastened his gaze on Meredith once again. "You haven't looked at me all morning," he said in an accusatory tone. "I think you'd find mushrooms more interesting than me at this point."

"I have!" Meredith insisted. "And mushrooms are… there aren't even any mushrooms here, so I don't even know why we're talking about them." She wrenched her hand away from his and threw the stick, starting to walk again.

A loud, frustrated groan echoed behind her and Meredith could picture the scene perfectly. Derek would be standing there in his jacket, his legs spread shoulder width apart beneath his body. He'd look up towards the sky and the sun would splash across his face, making him close his eyes, before he'd run his hands through his dark wavy hair in frustration, giving it a tug. His hands would then drop to his side and his normally overly-perfect hair would be unkempt and messy, in that way that made him much too attractive for his own good… for _her_ own good.

She was startled when there were sudden sharp sounds of crunching leaves and snapping twigs. Frightened birds cooed and made other indignant sounds to accompany their loudly flapping wings and there were a few other woodland animal sounds as squirrels and rabbits scurried away to find hiding from what they thought must have been an angry monster on the look for a kill.

A strong hand clasped around her elbow and her small body was spun around. Just as she suspected, his hair was unkempt and his eyes were wild with frustration, desperation, and confusion.

"Meredith," he said in an even tone, a warning tone, a desperate, pleading tone.

It was that one word, her name, which signaled the unleashing of the avalanche of words that would fall from her lips.

"Stop looking at me," she said sharply, her own voice begging. Here she was again, begging Derek Shepherd, the only man that could reduce her to such depths.

"You haven't been looking at me, how the hell would you know if I've been looking at you?" he snapped.

"I feel it! I feel it, all the time. I go to work and I can't even walk into a patient's room without you looking at me!" Meredith's green eyes jumped to life as she continued.

"You look at me like I'm yours. You look at me sort of in a weird creepy stalker way, like someone who knows what he wants but who also knows he can't have it. You look at me like… like… like you've seen me naked! And that can't happen, because you have a wife, and you picked her. So… you can't be looking at me like you've seen me naked. Or like I'm yours. Or like you want me, or… you just can't look at me!"

She might have said more. In fact, Derek was certain that he saw her lips continue to move, even after his hearing had long tuned out her exasperated, desperate, angry tones. He didn't look at her like that, did he? He had seen her naked, but ever since he and Addison had decided to try to work on their marriage, he had tried to stop picturing her naked. It didn't work, sometimes he had to in order to become "ready" for sex, but on an every day basis he'd stopped. He'd stopped hoping to come home to the flirty, twisty, bendy blonde who would lie naked in his bed.

He tried to convince himself that she was wrong. That even if he did look at her the way she said he did, there was no way she could feel it, in which case she didn't know.

But what if he did?

The thoughts began to trickle out of his brain along with his ability to listen to Meredith as his eyes slowly began to focus more and more on her lips which were still moving, shaping themselves perfectly to each word she spoke. If his ability to concentrate and read hadn't deserted him as well he might have been able to read her lips and figure out what she was saying, she was talking that clearly. But all he could focus on as he watched her mouth move was the way it looked. The smooth pink lips looked good… and they tasted good too he remembered. He remembered her kisses and the way that their lips would fit to each others as if literally molded to do so. He remembered how she would tease and torture his body while planning kisses down his neck, shoulder, chest, and other… parts.

He didn't know what he was doing. Or maybe he did but he wanted an excuse for his next action. But in reality he knew there was none that the only reason he did it was because she was _his Meredith_.

His free hand reached up and cupped around the back of her head, mussing up the hair that lay there. Her lips stopped suddenly and surprise flitted across her features before there was darkness.

His eyes had closed when he'd crushed his mouth to hers in a kiss. It took some time for any real kissing to be done. All he could think about was the relief it was to have her lips against his after all this time. Sweet Jesus, it was bliss. He dug his hand into her hair, twisting his fingers into the blonde strands and he tilted his head a little, repositioning his mouth to grant them both better access to each other. He began to move his mouth against hers, loving the way that her lips moved with his, even if it was currently against her will. Her body was still stiff against his, most likely in shock, but that was ok. Just let him have this one memory… a different last kiss for the two of them. One that didn't involve anything quick or casual about it.

He swept his tongue out and brushed it against her bottom lip before gracefully and easily maneuvering it to slide past her lips and into her mouth. It was then that her demeanor changed. Meredith's body seemed to shut down and she went limp against him, clinging for support as her knees buckled. Her arm went around his neck and her fingers dug into his jacket while both of his arms held her tightly around the waist.

It was just like he remembered. Every move that he did, she matched it, every sound that she made, made him want to drop to the floor of the woods and force her to make them louder and longer. Her hands were tugging at his hair in the way that she loved to do and he was aware that his pants were starting to grow uncomfortable.

This was how a last kiss should be.

Neither of them were sure how long the kiss had lasted. They didn't know how long they leaned into each other for support, how long their tongues had clashed for power. All they knew was that they couldn't get enough.

It was a barking sound that interrupted them.

A tug on the corner of her jacket sent Meredith stumbling side ways, and that was all it took for the kiss to be broken. She was completely breathless and every ending on her nerves had erupted into flames. She looked back and forth between Doc and the disheveled Derek, wide eyed with panic and confusion as the reality of the situation set in.

An impatient, whimpering growl sounded from within Doc's throat as he nudged Meredith's hand again. She took the stick numbly and tossed it half-heartedly.

"I have to go."

"Meredith--"

"I have to go, Derek!"

His legs were still lead, otherwise he would have run after her, caught her again an demanded that she stay, demanded that she tell him what had happened, or maybe even… demand that she kiss him again. It didn't have to be like that, he wasn't fussy, but after getting one hit of the drug he'd been craving for so long, he needed more.

The sound of her car starting up in the distance made him sigh; it was far too late to catch her now.

He ran a hand over his mouth and face roughly before raking his hands through his hair.

One thought echoed in both of their minds, even with the distance between them growing by the minute as Meredith drove further away:

What did this mean?

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